As you may have noticed, I am passionate about the power of books to help us learn, grow, imagine and be inspired to live our own compelling stories. So, here is a short collection of relevant, insightful books on my bookshelf I would like to share with you for both your enrichment and enjoyment.
— Warmly, your Attorney, Erin
Persevering Through Hardship
Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy: Discovering the Grace of Lament by Mark Vroegop
When the reality of the brokenness of the world is unbearably real and all too tangible in our own lives, lament is the way through the darkness. It is scary to face the full weight of grief and sorrow in the face of suffering instead of repressing or rejecting our feelings, but the relief of doing so is powerful and freeing. This book, written by local pastor, Mark Vroegop, gives a practical manual on how to engage in sorrow in a healthy and productive way. He speaks to the significance of lamentation in our spiritual lives and offers advice on how to approach it through personal anecdotes and scriptural references. He also discusses the difficulties of living in a fallen world and offers encouragement for discovering meaning and purpose despite hardship. Considering the work I do, helping people through some of life’s most difficult situations and also planning for the certainty of death, I’m so glad this book exists. It will help you keep faith and build fortitude when facing the hardships of this life.
The Power of TED by David Emerald
This is the #1 book I would recommend to clients looking at how to move forward after experiencing a divorce. Not only does the author give a simple, actionable framework for creating a compelling story forward, but the characters he introduces are moving through the very same situation. In short, the framework presented serves as a manual for freeing yourself from unhealthy habits, which we are all prone to, and realize your full potential adopting a more proactive, growth-oriented, empowering mindset.
Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy by Sheryl Sandberg & Adam Grant
This book explores how individuals can recover from devastating losses and rebuild their lives. Inspired by Sheryl Sandberg's personal experience after the sudden death of her husband, the book delves into her journey through grief, guided by the psychological insights of co-author, Adam Grant, a psychologist and professor.
The central premise of the book is that when Option A—the life we planned or hoped for—is no longer available, we must make the most of Option B. Sandberg combines personal anecdotes with scientific research to illustrate strategies for building resilience, such as leveraging personal strengths, seeking support from others, and finding deeper meaning in life's challenges. For navigating the aftermath of loss, whether from the death of a loved one or through divorce, this book offers practical advice on coping with grief and learning to experience joy again. It emphasizes the importance of community and support, the power of resilience, and the possibility of finding new paths forward, making it a valuable resource during tough transitions.
Healing is a Choice by Stephen Arterburn
This book is a guide that explores the concept that healing from deep personal wounds is not only possible but is a decision one must consciously make. The author uses his own divorce as a case study throughout the book, providing a candid and intimate look at his journey of emotional and spiritual recovery. He discusses the ten decisions that are crucial for obtaining true healing and the ten lies that can prevent it, offering a structured path to wellness.
The book is rooted in Christian faith, making it particularly resonant for those who embrace these beliefs. Arterburn integrates biblical wisdom and principles, encouraging readers to rely on their faith as a cornerstone of their healing process. He emphasizes that healing is an active and ongoing choice that requires both personal effort and divine assistance. For those recovering from the end of a marriage or other profound losses, "Healing is a Choice" presents a compassionate and faith-based approach to facing their pain, overcoming it, and finding renewal.
Loving What Is by Byron Katie
This is a transformative book that introduces readers to a method of self-inquiry known as "The Work." This technique is designed to help individuals question and ultimately change the thoughts that cause them suffering. The core premise of Byron Katie's approach is that suffering stems not from the world around us, but from our beliefs about it, and that questioning these beliefs can lead to greater inner peace and happiness.
By learning to question your thoughts, you learn to separate your perceptions from objective reality and often find that many of your underlying assumptions are distorted or untrue. This process can be particularly liberating for individuals dealing with challenging life circumstances such as relationship conflicts, personal setbacks, or emotional turmoil. This book is especially beneficial for those who feel stuck or overwhelmed by negative thoughts and are seeking a way to shift their perspective and embrace their reality with acceptance and clarity.
Own Your Past Change Your Future by Dr. John Delony
This book helps readers confront their past, understand their present, and positively shape their future. Dr. Delony, with his background in mental health and wellness, emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and understanding one’s past experiences to break free from patterns that hold one back.
The book is structured around the idea that understanding our stories and relationships can lead to profound changes in how we view ourselves and interact with others. Delony provides tools and exercises designed to help readers explore their emotions, relationships, and the narratives they have created about their lives. This introspective journey is aimed at fostering a deeper sense of self-awareness and resilience.
For someone considering this book, especially those dealing with issues like divorce, loss, or significant life changes, Dr. Delony offers a path to not just coping but thriving. By owning their past, readers are encouraged to make informed and intentional choices that can lead to a more fulfilling and controlled future. This book is particularly helpful for individuals looking to leave behind detrimental habits or thoughts and embrace a more optimistic and proactive outlook on life.
The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom
This is a strongly motivational memoir written by Corrie ten Boom, a Dutch Christian who helped Jews from the Nazis in WWII. The ten Boom family attempted to conceal Jews in their home, and the book details their eventual arrest and imprisonment in extermination camps. The book serves as a potent testament to the resilience of the human spirit in the face of overwhelming misfortune as well as a celebration of the importance of forgiveness and faith. Corrie ten Boom provides insights and teachings on the nature of suffering, the significance of forgiving others, and the tenacity of the human spirit via her own experiences. I just think that every once in a while we need to read a book like this, which offers perspective, inspires resilience, and cultivates gratitude for life.
Improving Relationships & Communication
The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work by John Gottman, PhD
This book is written by data-driven, relationship expert, John Gottman, and can be found on the shelf of almost any marriage therapist you might meet. His seven principles boil down to sustaining or rediscovering friendship with your spouse. Marriage, like any relationship, takes work. No one plans for divorce, and the tools and insights in this book will help you plan for a healthy, flourishing marriage that continues to work. This is a helpful guide for any relationship and more resources can be found at gottman.com.
Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend
This is an insightful book that delves into the importance of setting clear personal boundaries to foster healthy relationships. The authors, both clinical psychologists, explain how to establish and maintain boundaries with others in a way that promotes mutual respect and care. The book is particularly useful for those dealing with challenging family dynamics and can be useful in communicating with estranged or former spouses.
Through a blend of biblical principles, psychological theory, and practical advice, Cloud and Townsend guide readers on how to say no to unacceptable behavior, how to responsibly manage their own emotions and actions, and how to not take on the problems of others. The book discusses various types of boundaries — physical, emotional, and spiritual — and their significance in different relationships. The book offers strategies for protecting oneself from manipulation or emotional harm while still engaging in constructive and compassionate interactions. It provides the tools needed to recognize and respond to boundary violations, making it an essential read for anyone looking to improve their interpersonal dynamics and achieve a healthier balance in their relationships, especially post-divorce or in co-parenting situations.
Getting to Yes by Roger Fisher & William Ury
This is one I read early on as a part of my mediation credentialing. It introduces the concept of "principled negotiation," which focuses on finding mutually beneficial solutions that meet the needs of all parties. The authors offer a step-by-step framework for negotiating effectively offering techniques for separating people from problems, focusing on interests rather than positions, and generating options for mutual gain. It also covers common negotiation pitfalls and barriers to finding agreement as well. I think it’s application stretches to many domains of life and relationships both at home and in the workplace.
Living & Leaving a Legacy
On the Shortness of Life by Lucius Seneca
This classic book is one recommended by Dan, it’s a short essay and more approachable than you’d think considering the time period it was written, but it may not be your taste and that’s okay — here’s a summary. In it, the Roman philosopher, Seneca, argues life is not too short, but rather people waste their time pursuing and distracted by unfulfilling activities. He urges us to engage in self-reflection and accepting our mortality so we can better prioritize what is truly important in life, such as personal growth, relationships, and meaningful work.
Hero on a Mission by Donald Miller
Echoing the themes of writer Joseph Campbell and psychiatrist Viktor Frankl, this book explores the concept of living a life of purpose and fulfillment. Donald Miller had previously written best-selling autobiography, Blue Like Jazz, which he later rewrote as a screenplay. This experience helped him see that with the right story framework in mind, everyone has the potential to be a hero, which he defines as someone who lives with intention and impact. The book offers practical guidance for identifying one's unique talents and passions and using them to make a positive difference in the world. He also addresses the challenges of living a hero's life, which require courage, resilience, and a strong sense of identity. This type of book has been written many times over, but Donald Miller is a great writer and doesn’t hold back sharing the good and bad from his own life in a way that’s refreshing and encouraging.
Beyond the Grave by Gerald & Jeffrey Condon
This book is written by father and son authors who explore the reality of death and mystery of the afterlife. They give a comprehensive examination of the evidence for an afterlife and also discuss various religious and spiritual beliefs about the afterlife, as well as scientific theories on the nature of consciousness. When practicing estate planning and probate law, I help people prepare for their own death by writing their Will and I help them process the loss of loved ones when administering the loved one’s Will, these are some of the few situations where people really pause and consider their mortality, which can bring up many questions and emotions. I suggest this book as it offers insights and guidance for anyone grappling with questions about the nature of life and death, including practical advice for how to prepare for one's own death and cope with the loss of loved ones.
Faces of Generosity by Ronald Blue & Co.
This is a book I received as a gift from my friends at Ronald Blue Trust. The book features compelling, real-life stories of generosity and offers insights and guidance for cultivating a generous spirit from a faith perspective, including practical advice for managing finances, giving to charitable causes, and developing a mindset of abundance. It also promotes the benefits of generosity, including increased happiness, improved relationships, and a greater sense of purpose and fulfillment. If you’re considering how generosity might play a role in the financial legacy you leave through your will, this is a great read for you!
Supporting Others
There Is No Good Card for This by Kelsey Crowe & Emily McDowell
As I guide people through many difficult situations, including dissolution of marriages and loss of loved ones, I’ve found the guidance of this book quite helpful. It offers practical advice for supporting friends and loved ones who are going through difficult times. The book discusses typical difficulties that individuals encounter while attempting to provide consolation and assistance, like anxiety over saying the incorrect thing or feeling overtaken by others' emotions. It’s kind of a step-by-step manual for offering helpful support for specific situations such as illness, loss, and trauma with advice on active listening, empathy, and practical assistance.
MARRIAGE RESOURCES
Gottman Institute
We understand that the human family is in crisis, and that all individuals are capable of and deserve compassion. It is our mission to reach out to families in order to help create and maintain greater love and health in relationships. We are committed to an ongoing program of research that increases the understanding of relationships and adds to the development of interventions that have been carefully evaluated. It is our goal to make our services accessible to the broadest reach of people across race, religion, class, culture, sexual orientation, and ethnicity.
The Third Option (local)
The Third Option is an on-going skills based group program to build better marriages. Each 14 session cycle covers a comprehensive set of tools useful for developing better understanding, sensitivity and trust while learning more effective speaking and listening skills. It is designed for all married couples and can be used both as marriage enrichment or crisis intervention. For hurting couples, who see only two options painful endurance or divorce, The Third Option means reconciliation.
Better Together (local)
Belly laughs. Inside jokes. Good memories. There’s power in having fun with the one you love. We can help you make the most of your marriage with daily connection, weekly date nights, and opportunities to get away regularly.